Assistant TO the Regional Manager

My good friend J-LO (No, NOT Jennifer Lopez) has appointed me as the Unofficial-Section-ish-Leader-ish-Cymbals-Assistant-ish-ish-Thingy-ish. I take pride in the role, just as Dwight Schrute took pride in being promoted from "Assistant to the Regional Manager" to "Assistant Regional Manager".



But, as Uncle Ben always said, "Great power comes with great responsibility."



My responsibility as an Unofficial-Section-ish-Leader-ish-Cymbals-Assistant-ish-ish-Thingy-ish is very big. I have set aside some rules:

1.) Always do more push-ups than everyone else. This is most important because everyone hates push-ups. I happen to enjoy them, and I actually push for my mistakes. Sooner or later, everyone else will pick up on the "one drop, all drop" rule... but for now, my muscles shall become bigger.

2.) Never blame anyone else, even if it is their fault. I'm not sure how many people abide by this rule, but it makes sense to me. I'll correct someone if they're at fault, but I won't go around blaming them in front of everyone else. It'll be mia culpa.

3.) Get there early. I have no need to explain this.

4.) Make sure everything is covered and in its place. No one likes to follow this rule. It's "inconvenient". Too bad. It's gotta be done. If no one else does it, who better than myself to finish the job?

5.) Dance often. But not when Ryles doesn't want me to. I dance when there is or isn't music. I don't care if it's weird, eccentric, or thermodynamic... I LOVE TO DANCE!! Unless, of course, Ryles gives me the eye.

6.) Lend generously. I know, mallets are expensive. I trust my fellow percussionists to take that into account and use my equipment properly. If they don't, I'll cope.

7.) No complaining. This really should be rule number one.





I opened the Foam Cabinet after I established these rules in my mind and found a ribbon.




Why?


I have no idea.